Metamorphosis
by Noacat
Summary: [One Shot, SesshKag] His skin had been stretching thin lately and he didn't know why. Everything was the same, yet still he felt as if he had changed or was changing. RATED FOR VIOLENCE AND IMPLIED SEXUAL SITUATIONS. COMPLETE.
1. Stage 1

His skin had been stretching thin lately and he didn't know why. Flexing and un-flexing his fingers, he watched the skin as it grew taught when he spread his fingers wide, only to scrunch up and wrinkle when he drew them into a fist. He looked at his nails, and they looked the same. Everything was the same, yet still he felt as if he had changed or was changing. Moving from one thing to another like a caterpillar must feel just days before it cocooned itself in preparation for becoming a butterfly.

"Satoshi, is everything all right?"

He turned his gaze to his girlfriend of three years. She looked up at him, her dark eyes large and worried.

"I'm fine, Kagome. I was just thinking...that's all."

"About?"

He looked at her, confused, as he'd already gone back to staring at his hand again. Her brows furrowed and putting down the magazine she'd been reading, she came to him and put a hand to his forehead.

"Are you all right...really? You've been acting awfully strange lately."

He didn't know how to answer that. Yes, he had been acting strange lately and no, he wasn't all right but there wasn't really an easy way to answer that without causing concern and unwanted questions.

How to tell her that every morning he awoke sore and more tired than he had been when he'd gone to sleep the night before? How could he tell her that hew was afraid to sleep? Because if he slept, he'd dream and those dreams were hardly harmless mental detritus, he wouldn't remember much the next morning but what he _did_ was just enough to cause him to question his sanity...but not enough for him to want to seek professional help. They were disturbing and far too real. Almost more like memories that he'd thoughtlessly forgotten and his mind was taking time at night to try and force him to remember. In these dreams there was violence, death and pain, interrupted by some bits that weren't as bad as others, but overall, they were unpleasant and unsettling...

There was a sword.

There was a jewel.

There was a little girl.

And there was a young woman.

They all traveled through his dreamscape, devoid of names and meaning, but he somehow knew they were all important. All linked somehow and if he could piece together what those things meant together, then maybe he'd understand why...why the world felt so different. Why he felt so different...

It had started with small things.

He'd always had bad night vision. When he was eight, he'd broken his arm when he tripped over a chair in his bedroom at night. As he got older, it only got worse. When he was seventeen, he'd gotten into a nasty car accident because he had trouble seeing the road. So his parents had taken him to an optometrist, and the doctor had prescribed him special glasses for driving at night. It didn't help him much with anything else, but it did allow him to continue to drive. Then just last week, he'd put on his glasses and found that he didn't need them. He'd taken them on and off, and noticed no difference. At first, he'd been overjoyed. His optometrist had told him that sometimes eyes fix themselves and he'd thought he'd just gotten lucky.

He could drive with no restrictions. Wander his home in the dark without worrying about tripping over things. But then...something changed even further from what it had before. Some would say for the better, but he wasn't so sure anymore.

Kagome had asked him to go on a vacation with him to Hokkaido. She'd booked a room at a tiny little hot springs resort in the middle of nowhere because she wanted to see the stars. That's what she told him. She was always stargazing or complaining because she couldn't see them. Something about the night sky drew her and she'd never told him why. He'd often catch her staring at the sky with a wistful look on her face. She'd turned and smiled at him, and the look in her eyes when she did that...it was so haunted.

"_I want to see the stars again, Satoshi. Really see them because I think I might have forgotten what they look like_..."

How could he say no to that?

They went to Hokkaido, to a rather remote but charmingly untraditional hot spring resort/ryokan near the Iwaobetsu onsen on the Shiretoko peninsula. One night, they had been walking quietly through a meadow near the main house of the resort. She'd been watching the sky. He'd been watching the forest and thinking. When he first agreed to the trip it was with a lot of reluctance, until he'd seen the forest that surrounded the resort. If the night sky drew her, the forest drew him. He'd been scanning it like she scanned the sky and with his new eyes he was amazed at how much he saw. He spotted a fox and pointed it out to her. She turned her face from the sky to look at the fox. She squinted and squinted and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't see it and she'd laughed then. It sounded so light, so beautiful that his heart almost broke.

"_You can't see anything out here at night but the stars. It's far too dark_..._Silly man_."

But he could see it clear as day and what's more, he knew the fox could see him. They looked at each other for a moment before it trotted back into the woods. If that was the end of it, he wouldn't have blinked twice but it hadn't been the end. The next morning when he got up, the morning light had been almost unbearable. It was so bright it gave him a headache. He put on a pair of sunglasses and said nothing.

They left Hokkaido two days after that and things only got worse.

Weeks passed and everything was still too bright. Too clear. So clear and bright that he was in almost constant mind numbing agony. He had headaches almost every day. The sunglasses didn't work anymore. His optometrist had just told him that for reasons unknown, his eyes had become over-sensitized and that he should see his primary care physician to get a referral so he could see a specialist.

He went to the doctor.

He went to the specialist.

Neither of them could tell him a thing. They would still be doing their tests if he hadn't put a stop to it. They had been too busy trying to prove their theories to pay attention to the human being who was in desperate need of answers. Answers he was now convinced they couldn't have provided in the first place.

So, he suffered the headaches and the pain and after a bit, he adjusted.

As his doctor had told him when he first started wearing glasses at night, it'd take some time for his eyes to get used to seeing properly. It apparently worked in reverse as well. So, he was now used to the incredible clarity, and once used to it, he saw the world anew. Clearer. Brighter. More precise. Sometimes it was a good thing. Sometimes bad.

But the headaches stopped.

And he hadn't told his girlfriend.

He wasn't quite sure why, but mostly it was because he didn't want to worry her. They'd be getting married in the spring. She had planned it all herself, with her mother's help, of course. It had all been very traditional despite the fact that Kagome herself was anything but a traditional girl. They'd lived together for over a year now. A no, no in any religion, yet she wanted a traditional Shinto wedding. They'd even hired a go-between, though they technically didn't need one but what Kagome wanted, Kagome got. There were so many decisions and complications involving the rituals that she'd joked about going bald from the stress. He wouldn't know, marriage ceremonies were really more for the bride and the families than for the groom. Anyway, his health issues...well...she didn't need that added worry, so he kept it from her.

Besides, his eyesight was much better than before. How was that a bad thing?

But recently...his hearing had improved as well. She had said something to him. Three nights ago they'd gotten into a fight. He forgot what it was about. It was probably something stupid. In his opinion, most fights between lovers were always, without a doubt, over something stupid and entirely pointless. Disagreements about little stupid things that get blown out of proportion, until you don't remember what it was that started all of it...you just remember you want to win.

He'd insulted her and she'd stormed out of the living room, towards the bedroom they'd shared for almost seven years. She'd said something just before entering the bedroom and slamming the door shut. He figured she meant to say it under her breath, but she had always had a knack for saying just what she meant to leave unsaid. And so he pointed it out to her.

"_If you're going to insult me behind my back, you might try not to shout it so loud_..."

"_I didn't shout._"

And then, there was a long awkward pause, where she stared at him like he was a fish out of water flopping mutely on the ground in front of her.

"_You heard that? How could you hear that?_"

Alarmed, he told her he didn't know, and he stormed out of the house.

He'd come back some hours later and had apologized. He told her about his visits to the doctor. She'd forgiven him, but now she was worried about his health. Already, she'd harangued him about going back. After all, it wasn't normal to see so well it hurt your eyes. He'd adamantly refused. Not wanting to start another fight because sometimes its seemed like that was all they did anymore, she let it go and so here they were, in their living room...with her giving him worried looks and side glances and with him pondering his own sanity.

Her hand moved from his forehead to his cheek as she gazed into his eyes deeply. Too deeply. And for a moment, time stopped and everything fell apart and he saw with eyes that surely weren't his own. He saw his Kagome standing in front of him like she was right now but instead of the stubbornly worried look on her face, she looked stubbornly determined.

"_Y-you...You tried to kill me, didn't you!_"

She scowled then, accusatorily pointing a rusty old sword at his dream-self.

"_You'll regret that! I'm about to make you pay!_"

And then she turned and gave the sword to someone else. Someone he couldn't see. That other person was just a blur of red and white, but he knew without a doubt that he hated that other person with every fiber of his being, though his reasons seemed muddled.

The world came back to him in a garbled rush, and he looked at her, his gaze becoming dark. With a snarl, he slapped her hand away.

"I'm fine! Stop nagging me."

He stood abruptly. He had to get away from her. His skin was still stretching again and he felt a strange lack of emotion as if all the things he saw and felt throughout his life were being sucked out of him, and something else was being put back in. Like his blood was being replaced with lava. He felt irritable and he didn't know why. The waking dream was unsettling him. The changes in his eyesight and hearing unsettled him but the sensation that things were increasingly out of joint that unsettled him more than anything else. He violently pulled the slider door to the balcony open and stepped outside. Looking over the sprawling suburbs that surrounded metropolitan Tokyo, he found himself clutching onto the balcony's railing like a last life line. He had told her about the eyesight but he hadn't told her about anything else.

She padded after him. He could hear her soft steps following him like they were midday thunder, bright, loud and unmistakable.

"Satoshi..."

She stepped closer. He could hear her breathing. Hear her heart beating.

If he really concentrated, could he hear what she was thinking?

He closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind. Tried to center his thoughts but it didn't work because he could still hear her breathing and beating. It was too loud. She was too loud. He could smell her. Could smell the city around them and it was putrid and disgusting, and even her comfortable scent couldn't block it all out because underneath everything was a layer of sweat and unpleasantness. And it all reminded him of a smell he wasn't sure he really remembered at all.

_Y-you...you tried to kill me_...and she held the sword tightly in her hands. His Kagome, with the strange, rusty sword clutched tightly in her hands and it was too clear to be just a dream. She gave to him. Just gave it to him...she'd pulled it out when she shouldn't have.

_What are you..._

_D-don't come any closer or I'll cut you..._

_...Get away from her! She's not a part of this!_

And the annoying boy in red had run straight at him as he raised his hand. He'd raised his hand and sprayed something...and she'd disappeared. Almost dissolved, as if hit by acid and his dream-self didn't even blink. He hadn't much enjoyed it, nor did it make him feel guilty. He just felt...empty. Void. He'd killed her and even when he thought of it now...it didn't seem to affect him. But the one thing that did was when she'd given the annoying one in red the sword. It made him angry but parts of him were split apart in their reasoning. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up as the rage overwhelmed him. She'd taken what was his and given it away to that bastard. To a Halfling that could hardly appreciate the sword for what it was...the boy didn't deserve it.

It was his.

_She_ was his.

The deliberate recalcitrance she'd shown in the dream and the confusion and fear he smelt on her now molded together until he couldn't tell one feeling from another. Dream and reality collided, and he felt something in him slip. His grip on the railing tightened as this feeling overwhelmed him. Skin tightening even further, something dark within grew and clawed its way through his flesh and it was like fire. He was on fire and the only thing that'd put it out was...

"Satoshi...what's wrong?"

Not her.

He was trembling, trying to tamp down the feelings and the rage, but it only seemed to make it worse.

"Leave me alone."

But the foolish girl didn't. She came closer, smelling like fear and rosehips and her heart beating like a mad butterfly's wings. Her hand touched his shoulder, in that gentle way that had always calmed him but this time it didn't calm him. It inflamed the sense of outrage...that feeling within that wanted to tear everything apart.

"Sato--"

"I said...Leave. Me. Alone."

He was visibly shaking now and when he looked down, he saw that he'd broken the balcony railing with his bare hands. She noticed too and she backed away from him slowly...and then...she ran. Something inside him snapped and the snarling beast inside his heart came out. He destroyed everything his hands could reach, tearing into them as if he had claws. When he finally stopped, his chest heaving, his entire body shaking, he looked down at his hands, which should have been ravaged by all that he'd done.

They were a mess but...something wasn't right.

There were only a few scratches. A few scant scratches, yet he found himself going into the bathroom to cover them up almost on reflex. Still staring at his hands, watching the few scratches heal before his very eyes, he almost forgot to look at his own reflection. Because any human, no matter how selfless, is a little vain and will always take a peek at their own reflection. Eventually he did look and he saw something that was far more alarming than his now completely healed hands. His eyes were red from tip to tip and his pupil was now but a pinprick in that red sea, fairly glowing with preternatural rage.

He could do nothing but stare into the mirror, locking gazes with the stranger that stared back with glowing red eyes. His hand slowly reached out to touch the glass in disbelief. His fingers touched the glass. Nothing changed. He tore through the cabinetry until he found a razor. He cut his finger with it. It hurt for but a moment before it sealed itself, but still...his eyes remained and his heart hammered like a native's beating drum. Constant and never yielding its rhythm. He balled his fist, drew it back and smashed the mirror, causing the glass to spider-vein out around the area where he struck.

His eyes left the ruined mirror and he stared at his still balled fist. Blood dripped from the cuts and for a moment he was relieved. But then, his skin began to expel the glass stuck into it and the bleeding stopped and within seconds his flesh looked like he hadn't just smashed a mirror with his bare hands. His eyes flickered to the shattered mirror and the dozens of red eyes that glared back at him before winking out slowly. The red bled away, and when it was gone his eyes remained but they were still changed from what they were just hours before. No longer were his eyes dark brown, almost black, they were gold. A bright, shining gold like the summer sun. His irises weren't the only thing that changed. His pupils too...they weren't round...they weren't human. They were slit, like a cat or a snake.

Letting go the breath he didn't know he was holding, he ran for the toilet and proceeded to throw up until he passed out.

* * *

Definitions

Ryokan--A traditional Japanese inn.

Onsen--Hot springs baths, natural or otherwise.

Cultural note: Iwaobetsu onsen and the Shiretoko peninsula are real places you can visit in Hokkaido, Japan. Though if you do, beware. Shiretoko peninsula is known for having a large wild bear population. See that you don't get eaten!


	2. Stage 2

He didn't wake up until the afternoon and when he did, when all was said and done, their living room looked like a localized typhoon hit the place. She came back the next day, saw the devastation and told him she couldn't do this anymore. He'd been distant for months and she was tired of tip-toeing around him; tired of him being set off by the smallest of things; tired of the shouting matches. She was tired of trying to save what they had together and losing every time, but mostly she was tired of fighting alone. She'd been here before and she just couldn't handle yet another relationship where she was the only one who gave a damn. The sad thing was, he knew all this and did nothing to stop the inevitable from happening.

He was a bastard. A bastard she should hate but she didn't.

She loved him and she knew he loved her but she couldn't take it anymore and with that said she took a few of her belongings she really needed and then left, most likely for good. She didn't notice his eyes. She barely even looked at him. She was too busy crying. Her tears didn't affect him at all. In the face of real emotion, most humans have some kind of sympathetic reaction but he didn't. He watched her cry and there was a hollow space in his chest where it should hurt, where it had always hurt when he'd make her cry, but it wasn't there anymore. There was nothing and he didn't like it. In fact, it made him angry and sad all at once but those feelings were so far away as if they were detached from him and he was feeling them via some kind of umbilicus. He pushed his nails into the palm of his skin just to feel something, anything.

Someone once told him that a human being couldn't willingly draw blood from themselves this way. They had said all the movies that showed that were wrong. He pushed harder and his palm bled, but only for a moment before it healed itself. That person was wrong or maybe he was right. No human could do that... no human... who said he was human anymore? He opened his hand and examined his palm, flawless, but for the blood that marred his fingers. He licked it away and wasn't bothered by the fact that he wasn't bothered by that.

His nails had grown long now and he realized something he hadn't known then. They were more like claws than nails but that wasn't the interesting part about them. He'd found out an alternate purpose for his claws one night when he actually slept, which was becoming increasingly uncommon. He just didn't feel all that tired. But when he did sleep, it was deep and in the morning he'd awaken stiff and sore and with something changed from the morning before.

Like all the recent physical changes, his nails growing uncontrollably had seemed so innocent at first. For awhile, he'd been able to cut them, and though they grew back within a day it was a simple matter to solve. He'd just cut them again but then after a time cutting them wasn't so simple anymore. Within a week he'd broken four pairs of nail clippers; three for humans, one for dogs. Two pairs of scissors. Three nail files and a sand grinder. He'd settled on a diamond hard, industrial grade metal file. It worked somewhat, until it also broke and he gave up.

This was about the time he'd taken an extend leave from his job and cut all ties to the outside world, but that was beside the point.

He hadn't been sleeping. The dreams came all too often when he slept and it was nice not having to fight it, but that night... that night, his body demanded rest and no matter how hard he fought, he couldn't stop the sleep that came. Another dream came, this time more vivid. This time he remembered more. In a way, it was worth the melted mattress.

There was a sword he wanted.

A sword given to the annoying boy in red.

There was another sword that he didn't want at all but kept anyway.

There was a little girl. A girl he saved with the sword he hated.

There was a jewel. A cursed jewel of fours souls that was sought by someone he hated more than the boy in red.

And there was a young woman, the keeper of that jewel. The one that destroyed it and left who looked so much like the woman he'd fallen in love with.

That morning, he'd awoken to find two very large, smoking holes in his mattress. After a bit of examination he'd figured out that his nails had melted his mattress. Or more correctly, the powerful acid that emitted from his nails had melted the matress. He wasn't quite sure, at first, what triggered it. As a side note, he'd observed his nails kind would glow a sickly green before the acid came. For about a day, he went around the house just burning things with it, until he could fully control it. It was interesting on a purely scientific level. On a personal level it was unsettling and a bit scary.

He wasn't sure how long it had been since she'd left. Sometimes she'd call but he never answered. There was a part of him angered at himself by this. He should answer and beg her to take him back and help him -- comfort him -- but another part just didn't care. He didn't need her help. She was too human. And he was clearly not human at all, or perhaps he wouldn't be human when all of this stopped because he was still somewhat human.

Somewhat.

She finally stopped by one day to check up on him and he found himself unwilling to face her. The house was dark and the living room was still a mess. So he sat in the darkened, ruined living room and watched silently as she carefully picked her way through the mire of broken furniture. Yes, he was hiding from her. He was a coward but he didn't care. It was better this way. Let her think him gone. Make it easier for her to let go because it was far too hard for him. She didn't go into the bedroom as he suspected she would. Instead, she stopped and tensed, eyes darting around the room as if she sensed something. And then, she found him. He didn't know how, but she found him.

"Satoshi?"

She walked towards him so quietly, yet so loudly, and she proceeded to ask a myriad of questions, none of which had any easy answers. How could he answer her questions when he barely knew the answers himself? What could he tell her? That he thought he might be turning into something not quite human or, alternately, he was slowly going insane. Either way, it wasn't something anyone wanted to readily admit to someone else.

Honestly, should he tell her he'd been eating his meat nearly raw nowadays? Should he explain to her about his nails and the two bloody great holes in their mattress? He could tell her about his skin feeling stretched and the fire he'd feel inside sometimes. The fire that lit inside him that begged him to destroy every last living thing he could get his hands on and if he didn't find a way to control himself, he'd destroy more than just another piece of innocent furniture. Or maybe he could recount his dreams, that'd be a real winner. Maybe he really was insane. Truthfully, he didn't really know at this point, so instead of saying all that he said nothing.

She came closer again but she was always foolish.

Even in his dreams.

Always meddling.

Always unraveling everyone else's mysteries while keeping her own.

He remembered once when she was having a nightmare of some kind. She was tossing and turning and when he touched her to calm her down, she whispered a name.

_Inuyasha_....

Inuyasha

Inuyasha

INUYASHA!!

Her hand reached out. She mouthed the syllables to his name, but he didn't hear it. All he heard was her calling out _that_ name. Her shouts encouraged the owner of that name, loaning him her strength. Her giving his sword away to Inuyasha, who took his arm and defeated him time and time again, because of her, always Inuyasha and again he felt something breaking free. He felt the fire inside bubble up and press against his flesh...

And he had to be away from her.

Without a word, he got up and left her there, hand hanging in midair. She said something. Most likely an entire sentence, even a paragraph's worth of something, but he didn't listen, his blood was rushing too fast in his ears for her voice to penetrate. He went into the bedroom. He approached the open window and looked out; bracing his hands against the window pane as he breathed in and out slowly until the fire in his veins cooled and he felt more like himself again.

"Your hair is longer..."

Her voice was soft, like always. Gentle, like a bubbling stream and it grated on his ears. Wind from the open window filtered through into the room, lifting the curtains around him.

Face shrouded by the dark, he replied to her implied question with a single, softly spoken word, "Leave."

She didn't.

"And I think you might be taller..."

She was right. He'd measured it himself -- what he thought might have been a few weeks ago. He wasn't too sure though, time seemed to lose meaning, much like everything else.

He tensed and she came closer, again. She always walked into dangerous situations without a thought. Why did she do that? What person in their right mind would put themselves in danger like that? What was wrong with her? Maybe she was the crazy one...

He could smell her more clearly now. She was all freshness and light. Her scent underneath the artificial smells of her shampoo and her perfume was effulgent and brought back with it so many memories. The control of the fire inside waned. It pulled on all his senses and he was on the verge of losing himself again. His fingers curled into the soft wood surrounding the window as the curtains whipped wildly around him. It occurred to him as he looked outside that there was no wind. The trees in the yard were perfectly still. It was a quiet night and the wind in the room right now came because of him.

"Get away from me," he whispered, his voice gravely as it grated out between clenched teeth.

She didn't move back, nor did she move forward.

He turned and snarled, "I SAID GET AWAY!"

She could see what he wanted to hide. He'd shown her the inhumanity in his eyes. They were red now, he knew without even having to look. His fingers itched. The poison just beneath his skin was festering, waiting to be released and he had to hold back the instinct that told him to do it... to kill her but it was so hard.

Why didn't she move away?

Couldn't she see?

Worse, why didn't she seem all that surprised?

She was afraid. He could smell it. Yet, she stood there calmly, her hand in her pocket as if she was waiting for the bus and her hands were cold.

"I'm sorry."

She pulled something out of her pocket and with a single, graceful motion, she flicked the contents of that package at him and it stilled the fire inside with steely, frigid cold; it felt like he'd jumped into a mountain stream during the spring thaw.

Purifying salt.

She'd thrown purifying salt at him.

It made sense, she'd grown up in a shrine after all but he'd never gone in for all the superstitious nonsense she believed in because of it. Purifying salt was nothing but regular sea salt that some foolish priest said a few words over. There was nothing special about it. There _should _be nothing special about it, but then why did it hurt when it came into contact with his skin?

She threw it again.

He stumbled back, snarling with feral inhumanity. She was un-fazed, and though her face was calm he could see the underlying anxiety in it. He could see her pity as she drew something else from her pocket. Holding an ofuda between two fingers, she charged the charm and threw it at him. Far, far away, in the very back of his mind, he wondered at the blue light that surrounded the charm. He didn't know she could do something like that. Then it hit him directly in the forehead and the effect was instantaneous. He felt a force beyond him pushing the fire back inside. It was just as cold as the salt had been but it hurt much, much more because it was more concentrated, stronger. The cold surround him, entered every fiber of his being and turned it to ice. He should be grateful. She was trying to purge him of whatever it was that was changing him, but it only made him angrier. It was an insult. The beast in his heart was furious with this human for trying to help him when he didn't need or even ask for it.

He struggled against the spell and the cold that it emanated. Even when the pain was so great that it brought him to his knees. What an insult: To be broken by a human priestess. Yes, he was aware she was a priestess. A part of him thought there might have been a time when she wasn't, but she had been as long as he'd known her. He writhed and bucked against the power a bit longer before quieting. She approached him, her hand gently caressing his shoulder for a moment. Part of him was happy for this affectionate gesture and yet simultaneously repulsed. He could hear her preparing something. A smell reached his nose. Incense. The scent of it was revolting enough to make him want to retch. If he could move, he might have. He could hear her beginning to chant.

It was then that he became alarmed.

He wouldn't be laid so low. This part of him had only just awakened and it was weak, but not so weak that he'd allow some human priestess to subdue him.

Using every bit of power he could summon, he fought against her subjugation spell. He could hear her chanting more frantically. She tried to use the salt again. Pathetic. Growling, he sat up and tore the charm from his forehead, leveling a glare at his tormentor as he did it. She paled but she didn't stop chanting, and she didn't stop throwing the damned salt.

Foolish human.

He grabbed her by the throat and held her up. The squeal of fear she made was amusing, so were her tears for their futility, as if such gestures would ever move him.

She gulped, using her last breath to speak to him, "I'm so sorry..."

She closed her eyes and fisted a hand into his shirt. A bright blue light erupted from her and it burnt like cold fire. It knocked both of them back and as his head hit the floor and black unconsciousness overwhelmed him, he realized what he'd almost done. And then he was lost.

The dreams came and he remembered a bit more.

There was a sword; a sword that was his father's.

He gave it to the annoying half breed; to Inuyasha, his half brother.

There was a girl. A human girl he'd saved with the other sword.

It also belonged to his father and it was meant for him, despite the fact that he didn't want it.

There was a jewel. The Shikon no Tama, a relic of some power, that was sought by a half-breed viler than his brother.

There was a young woman. She sought the Shikon with his brother, though her reasoning for doing so was shrouded in mystery. It was rumored she was a reincarnation of the very priestess that had sealed his brother fifty years before but he'd never put too much stock in reincarnation.

Such a pity...

The sun rose. Morning came. And he woke.

His eyes fluttered open, pupils contracting to adjust to the brightness of the room as the sun filtered in. As per usual, he was sore and tired. Sitting up reluctantly, he assessed his situation. The room was a mess, but that wasn't unusual. There was an odd smell. Several odd smells: Incense, Kagome... blood. Then the night before came back. He saw the incense holder and the torn up ofuda, and then he saw her. The woman he loved was crumpled in a heap on the floor next to him. He looked down at her, beautiful even in her sleep. There was a painful looking black and blue welt on her forehead. A welt he caused. She'd tried to save him from becoming a monster and he'd lashed out.

If things hadn't changed, he would have been panicking. Worrying himself sick with the thought that she was seriously hurt but he wasn't worried. He could hear her heart beat and it was strong. She was breathing normally. She was fine, physically anyway.

He reached out a hand to brush a stray tendril of hair away. His nail nicked her cheek, leaving a fine red line behind. Blood beaded and he watched with cold, detached eyes, feeling next to nothing when he instinctually licked the blood away. Hovering just above her, he felt an array of shame and disgust, though it wasn't that deep or that meaningful. He moved away, stood up and exited the bedroom. Walking into the bathroom, he barely spared the shattered mirror a glance as he washed the taste of her blood out of his mouth. It was then that he noticed the newest change in him.

His tongue ran over his teeth. Picking up a piece of broken mirror, he pulled back his lips to examine them. Nothing remarkable really, unless, of course, you counted the fact that his canine teeth had lengthened into what could be considered fangs. He snorted. He looked like some pathetic vampire wannabe from Harajuku. Dressing up in cheap nineteenth century European costumes with paste on fangs, trying desperately to convince themselves and the world around they were special, different just like everyone else. Except his fangs were real and unlike those sad bastards in Harajuku, he didn't want them. These weren't store bought novelty fangs, they were quite real. He could try filing them down like he'd done with his nails, but he knew without even trying that the effort would prove futile.

He tossed the piece of mirror away with a growl of disgust. For several minutes he just stood there, staring blankly at the millions of reflections in the mirror and they stared right back. His hair was even longer than it had been before. He tried to cut it weeks ago, but like his nails it just grew back. Fingering it, he was mildly dismayed to see that the straight black was now peppered with strands of pure white. He flipped it behind him and tried not to be unnerved that it had grown – overnight -- almost to the back of his knees.

Without even thinking about it, he gathered his things and left.

He couldn't stay here. It wasn't safe for her or anyone else. Anyway, he didn't like staying in one place. It was too suffocating and the instincts that now ruled him demanded that he move on.

He wasn't saddened by this decision.

He wasn't okay with it either.

It just had to be done and so he did it.


	3. Stage 3

Many more weeks passed and in those weeks came more changes. His hair had finally gone all white. The scar he'd had above his lip since he was five just disappeared one day. Just like the slight bend in his nose from when it was broken in a fight when he was fifteen. His features had smoothed out to an eerie kind of perfection and when he looked in the mirror now, he barely recognized himself. Sure, Saito Satoshi was still there in some form, but it was hidden behind the flawlessness. Add to this the fact that he was even taller now than he had been in weeks previous... well, it was harder and harder to see himself behind all the changes. On the plus side, he was quite sure he'd stopped growing which was good. He was tired of buying new clothes.

The most recent development he'd had to deal with was his ears, which were now pointed like an elf from one of those silly fantasy anime Kagome had loved so much. But that wasn't the worst of it. Markings appeared on his wrists, cheeks, and forehead. They looked like tattoos, stupid tribal tattoos that you'd get on a drunken bet with your friends. It looked utterly ridiculous. He didn't try very hard to cover them though. He didn't dye his hair. He didn't avoid speaking so that no one would notice his obviously sharp and deadly looking canines. He just pressed forward and tried not to notice all the staring, though he was forced to note the cultural stereotype of the politeness of the Japanese was just that: a stereotype.

No one ever said anything. Well, to his face anyway. They said things they thought he couldn't hear, but he could. If they only knew... Anyway, they were far too afraid of him to confront him directly and he had to admit, he was pretty intimidating the way he looked now. This made those people staring a bit more bearable, as one good glare was enough to send even the most persistent gawkers running for cover.

He'd also remembered more and he figured out something.

There was a sword and its name was Tessaiga.

There was a little girl and her name was Rin, and he'd saved her with Tessaiga's brother sword, Tenseiga.

There was a Jewel, the Shikon no Tama, sought by the half-breed Naraku.

And there was a young woman, whose name he barely remembered at the time but he knew her name now because he loved her but that had nothing to do with the past.

The young woman and his brother defeated the half-breed and she left shortly thereafter and the jewel disappeared with her.

What he was remembering was the past; he knew this without a shadow of a doubt. It was who he was in the life before. Another time. Another place and now the him he was and always would be was manifesting itself. He didn't look too hard into it, nor did he think about it much. He just accepted it and moved on from there.

He missed her, even though he told himself he shouldn't.

Because of what he was now and who he'd been, they couldn't.

He wouldn't follow in his father's footsteps, even if the demon who'd been his father then wasn't his father now. Besides, could a human woman really love something like him? From the direct evidence in his past memories, youkai and humans intermingling romantically always ended badly for both. He argued with himself about this because he wasn't youkai and yet he was. He kept telling himself he was human. He was born a human but it was getting harder every day to remember that. Sometimes it was even hard to remember who he'd been first. Satoshi or Sesshoumaru. Some days he'd just sit and watch the sky and wonder who and what he really was and why this had happened to him. Why now? But he had no answers and it didn't seem that fate or the gods decided he deserved them, so he pressed forward, as he'd always done, even before he knew what he was and who he used to be.

But he still missed her.

Why couldn't she have found the reincarnation of his brother?

Why did she have to find him?

Why did he have to fall so deeply in love with her?

Without even wanting to, he traveled to the little hot springs resort they'd visited together. It seemed so long ago.

The woman at the front desk almost didn't rent to him. Who would? He looked like some foreign street thug. So, he acted the part and basically intimidated her into giving him a room. She'd been skittish of him for awhile, but he was quiet and kept to himself. He'd even helped her out with a chore or two to smooth things out between them. After all, he couldn't have her petrified of him all the time. It drew too much attention. This was how he became somewhat of a resident and accepted as almost a local at the little ryokan that he'd spent one entirely beautiful weekend with the woman he loved. The _human _woman he loved.

Kagome.

Kagome who'd traveled with his half-brother in another life.

Kagome who'd faced his former self without fear.

Kagome who'd he had loved as a human.

Kagome who he loved still even though he wasn't really human anymore.

He was youkai now. Maybe he'd always been youkai, and the human disguise he wore was just that and now, now it was nothing more than a costume he'd discarded.

All the same, he still loved her. Would love her always, even long after she died and faded from everyone's memory but his own, though he still had a hard time coming to terms with the fact that he might very well be immortal now. It made the situation with him and Kagome all the harder to bear. He loved her, but she'd grow old and die, and he wouldn't. But what hurt most of all, was if his memories were correct, she had kept something from him because in his remembrances, it wasn't an incarnation of Kagome. It was Kagome herself and though she was younger, it was her. In those memories, she'd be wearing her school uniform. She'd had this whole other life at some point and he wasn't sure how she'd done it, but she had. And she hid it from him. It hurt. All of it hurt more than he cared to think about and for a very long time, he didn't.

Instead, he continued on his journey to discover himself, putting those thought behind him as they were hardly any help in his current situation. As a human, something like that might have crippled him. Don't get the wrong idea. It still hurt, but it was a dull sort of pain. A pain he'd always remember, never forget, but it didn't mean that life stopped. He plodded forward, working quietly for the old lady who owned the ryokan and watching the stars when he got the chance.

If nothing else, he could be comforted by the fact that they would always share the same sky.

Winters could be harsh in Hokkaido. Looking up at the deep midnight sky, he watched the stars twinkle and was thankful that this wasn't one of those times. The last three days had been nothing but steady snow storms, and it had been too cold, even for him, to venture outside without danger. The storms had waned and the snow tapered off, and everyone dug themselves out to enjoy the reprieve.

He'd spent the better part of the day clearing snow from around the ryokan; from the roof down to the front entrance. It was unusual for him to be out during the day and his landlady knew this. For her sake, he had tried to keep out of sight so that he didn't scare the tourists. Most people in town were used to the way he looked, but visitors... well, to them, he was an oddity and he didn't particularly like being stared at. It was hard to get used to. Too hard and it wore on the tenuous control he had on his instincts. So, he usually only came out during the night, spending the day quietly in his room or when weather allowed, he'd wander the woods around the ryokan.

His time in the woods were amongst his favorite memories in this new life. It had allowed him to learn new abilities; like, for example, he found he could fly if he really concentrated. The memory of the first time he found this out wasn't particularly welcome as it turned out that despite the fact the ability was apparently inherent to him, he wasn't very good at it. Over time, he'd gotten better. _Much_ better.

There were other things he learned by trial and error, like how to extend the poison in his fingertips to a whip of sorts. But really, his sojourns into the woods were more memorable for the peace they gave him. He felt centered there and it was easier to focus. In the wild he had absolute control over everything, which was a rather odd thought. He'd spent some time pondering over this and he'd come to the conclusion that as a youkai he belonged here, whereas as a human he didn't.

Then winter had come and he found it a bit more difficult to travel as far as he liked. He especially didn't like the idea of going out and being unable to return, because the elderly woman he worked for would be alone. She was frail and the hotel was rather remote and not many people got up to it during this time of the year. So, he'd stayed close lately and she'd noticed. It was hard to get anything past the old bird. She had thanked him effusively and then made a comment about his hair and how it looked like the snow, and she'd suggested that maybe the gods of good fortune had sent him to far away Hokkaido for a reason. At one time, he would have thought that notion ridiculous but ever since the change he wasn't so sure.

Maybe they had sent him.

He'd smiled at the old woman, silently agreeing with her and she'd smiled back.

They'd shared a cup of tea after that and then he left before she had dinner. She'd tried to get him to stay and enjoy some of her cooking, but he always refused. Human food was too hard on his stomach with all the spices and the artificial flavorings. He just couldn't stomach it anymore which was such a pity, because from what he smelled she was quite a cook. Truth be told, he rarely ate anything anymore. Once or twice a week usually sufficed. And when he did eat, he'd have to eat it raw or he wouldn't be able to keep it down. As it was, he'd already eaten this week, so he wasn't particularly hungry. He left her to her meal and wandered out to the little pasture where he'd watched the stars so many times over the last two years.

He had to get out anyway. It was rare for them to be busy this time of year but a large group had come in the day before. Only foreigners and die hard fans of hot springs braved the harsh Hokkaido winter to visit one of the many traditional hot springs resorts in the area. These visitors seemed to be the later. It was a large group of businessmen of some sort, who'd taken time off work to bond here at the hot springs. They were loud, obnoxious, and they smelled awful; like sweat, hair-gel and cheap aftershave. It was disgusting.

The last few days, he'd made an effort to be invisible because the last thing in the world he wanted was attention. No, wait, if he were to be truthful, it went beyond the desire to avoid unwanted attention. The last thing in the world he wanted was to be forced into a conversation with a loud, stinky stranger. He nearly retched every time he walked past the dining room where they'd sit and talk--loudly--into the night, completely ignoring the conventional ryokan etiquette of either retiring to your private room after dinner or taking a short walk _before_ retiring. One way or the other, they were being rude and it irked him. The innkeeper was too nice to say anything about it and he'd asked her if she'd like him to.

Patting him on the knee, she had politely refused and with a knowing smile she said, "I can wait quietly while the mud settles, can you?"

With a slight nod, he'd answered, "I suppose."

Yes, he was waiting for the mud to settle. It was that kind of serene logic that had drawn him here. Everywhere else he went had been loud, pungent and generally unpleasant. When he was human, he wouldn't have noticed but his heightened senses couldn't take the sounds, sights and smells of the modern world. They were far too disquieting. Too distracting. Here he could live. Things moved a bit slower and it smelled quite a bit more pleasant and it wasn't nearly as garish and bright as everyplace else in Japan. And it was quiet; except when noisy, drunken strangers invaded his space, like now for example.

Sighing deeply, he closed his eyes, and tilting his head up, he opened them to gaze at the stars. They were truly magnificent. Breath puffing out from between his lips, he stood in the snow and just watched the sky turn 'round and the twinkling stars seemingly oblivious to the world around him. This wasn't the case. He was quite aware of everything; he just didn't feel anything going on right now needed his attention.

He was currently too lost in thought to attend to anything else. It had just occurred to him that he was forgetting what it was like to be human and it didn't bother him nearly as much as it had in the beginning. In the end, he'd concluded that being youkai wasn't so bad, though he did at times miss some of the things he'd enjoyed as a human.

Being affected by the cold was _not_ one of the things he missed. In fact, he quite liked being able to stand out in the middle of a deserted pasture in the dead of winter without worrying about the cold or frostbite. Even so, he wore a coat out of habit and to please the innkeeper. He disliked it when she made a fuss about things, and she made a fuss every time he came in without a coat in this weather.

Smiling faintly to himself, he slipped off his coat. He could enjoy himself just for a moment. The old woman wouldn't be the wiser. Tensing, he took off into the sky. He ran. He flew. He darted through the trees, doing everything in his power to use the pent up energy he'd gathered over the last few days of inactivity. He was a white blur in the dark forest. Never in his whole life had he felt so free and he thought right at that moment that there really was nothing to miss about being human when he had power like this. Kind of took the edge off.

At the end of his run, he found himself in the very clearing he and Kagome had gone to when they'd visited this inn together. This was one of those things he missed about being human. Her. He missed her so much and suddenly, he almost wished she was here.

What was power, when he couldn't even feel anything? He missed her, but he didn't even feel it. He loved her, but it was like nothing. There was nothing there but a distant memory of what love felt like, as if he were recounting someone else's feelings, not his own. There was no attachment to it. No feelings of regret or loss, just the acknowledgment of the truth itself without any kind of emotion tangled into it. It was like... like there was vacant space in his chest where his heart had shriveled up and died and then turned to dust. And the dust was sucked up into a black hole, drawing the last bits of humanity in him into a vast, empty void that nothing could fill. The only thing he felt strongly anymore was when he was angry enough to lose control of himself.

No, that wasn't the entire truth.

He did feel, it was just subdued, buried under layers of increasing control.

He'd gradually began to deaden himself out here in Hokkaido. Taking a cue from the snow, he was becoming colder and drawing all the important bits inside. It was for everyone's good. The fire still got away from him from time to time, and he didn't want to hurt anyone. He'd had some close calls. Too close.

It was difficult because he knew what he was becoming was far too close to who he was before. He didn't want to be_ him_. He wanted to be Satoshi, but how to do that and not ending up hurting someone? There really wasn't a way. And so that was what he missed the most about not being human anymore.

He missed feeling. He missed the emotions and the lack of control.

He'd separated himself from the world around him, kept everyone at arm's length, even the old innkeeper who was so fond of him. Her name was Hana. He knew that, but he never called her by name, because that would mean he was attached to her and he didn't want to be attached. Was that him thinking or who he used to be? Who was he?

He didn't really know anymore.

He laughed. It sounded bitter and humorless as it echoed hollowly over the field. He'd thought he'd come so far; he thought he was beginning to figure it all out. What a fool.

He walked.

He wasn't sure how far or how long.

He walked until he found the tree in the middle of the meadow where he and Kagome had stopped to watch the stars two and a half years ago. Snow covered it now, and he couldn't sit, so he stood instead. He stood and lost himself in the sky again.

He would have stood out there all night but for the overwhelmingly bright presence he felt approaching behind him.

It wasn't the innkeeper. It certainly wasn't any of the businessmen. His titled his head, listening to the sound of the new comer out of curiosity. It must be the other resident of the inn. Hana had said that a young woman had rented a room, that was two nights ago. She'd notified him because he'd been using the ladies bath to avoid the businessmen and Hana hadn't wanted any mishaps to occur. He'd duly noted it and moved on. This would be the first time he'd had any contact with the girl.

Hana had given him a room in the older part of the inn. The part most customers didn't like because it was drafty. He didn't mind so much and it gave him the privacy he desired. The girl and the businessmen were given rooms in one of the new additions that had been remodeled and fixed up with every single last modern convenience one could think of. This had been done to make visitors both foreign and domestic more eager to stay in a traditional inn. In any event, he'd only seen and heard the businessmen because they used the common room, which was near the older part of the inn. The girl hadn't visited that part of the inn, so he hadn't really noticed her presence.

What was she doing out here?

He shrugged. It wasn't his business and he would have turned his eyes back to the sky but something nagged at the back of his mind. Something familiar and as she got closer, he figured out why. Her smell. He recognized her smell.

Kagome.

He tensed. His heart pounded. His breathing became erratic. Why was she here?

The woman in question remained quiet as she approached. Her boots making a comforting sqootching sound as she walked and he could hear her labored breathing as she pushed her way through the snow. He looked to the stars and asked them silently...why. Just, why? They twinkled back inaudibly; winking in and out, telling him: _you have to find your own answers_... _we weren't made to answer why_.

She was just behind him.

He could feel her aura. It was warm yet cold. Powerful yet weak. He closed his eyes and savored the sensation.

"I knew you'd come here," she said softly.


	4. Stage 4

It had been foolish of him to come here. He saw that now. He'd been such a fool. Of course, she'd look for him. He had assumed she wouldn't but he should have known better. She'd look for him and eventually she'd find him here. It was inevitable. He sighed heavily. Maybe a part of him had wanted to be found.

Should he turn around now and reveal the grand transformation?

When she last saw him, he'd been halfway between his human form and this one. Surely she'd be shocked. Not just by how much he'd changed, but who he'd changed into. And if his past memories were correct, she'd know _who_ he looked like. _Who_ he'd transformed into...

He turned, even though he didn't want to and the gasp came. The gasp he'd been dreading since the memories of his life past surfaced.

She exhaled, breathing out one word behind it. "Sesshoumaru..."

If he'd been human, he wouldn't have heard it but he wasn't human, was he? A part of him hoped that she wouldn't just see the form he'd changed into. A part of him hoped she'd see beyond the surface. A part of him hoped she could still see Satoshi in him but she didn't and he was disappointed by it, disappointed and vaguely angry.

'_What did I expect? She's only human_...'

The thought came before he could stop it. He gritted his teeth, and hardened his heart, turning around to face the sky. If that was all she could see – well then -- he wouldn't waste his time or hers trying to convince her otherwise. Doing so would be pointless and only humans dallied with lost causes.

"What have you done with Satoshi?"

He didn't answer her because the obvious answer was he hadn't done anything with him, because Satoshi was him and he was Satoshi.

"Answer me! What have you done with him!?"

Silence enveloped her and he could tell by how hard her heart was beating that she was very nervous and afraid, terrified even.

"Nothing."

"LIAR! Release him! Release him now or I'll force you out myself!"

"Release him?" he asked, truly and honestly surprised by the statement and the vehemence in her voice when she said it.

"Quit playing around and state your terms, Sesshoumaru!"

If his heart hadn't been so heavy, he would have laughed. So, she was speaking to him as if he was a vengeful ghost, hoping to expel "Sesshoumaru's" presence by way of a traditional exorcism? When he thought about it long enough it was almost funny and his lips formed into a ghost of a smile that was just noticeable enough for her to see it.

"Damn you," she cursed under her breath as she dug into her pocket, thinking he was mocking her.

His eyes narrowed dangerously and the smile abruptly faded. He didn't want to fight her because he knew this time it wouldn't end in a stalemate as it had before. She'd gotten lucky that night because he was in-between youkai and human. He'd come into his power since then and though he was only a reincarnation and his humanity wasn't entirely purged as of yet, but if they fought he knew he'd win and she'd lose, and he didn't want it to come to that.

He appeared in front of her faster than she could blink, his hand grasping her thin wrist as she was pulling it from out of her pocket. He held her fast, but not hard, putting just enough pressure on her to let her know he was serious.

"Your salt won't work on me anymore, Kagome," he said, his tone gentle but cold. "Neither will your charms or your prayers. There's no ghost to exorcise. No curse to break. There's only me... leave, before you get hurt."

Her lip trembled and he could smell the tears before they hit her cheek.

"Give him back to me," she whispered, her voice dripping with two years of raw, unspent emotion.

She was shivering and whether it was from the cold or her own sorrow, he couldn't really guess. Most likely it was a combination of both. There was a long awkward pause that followed. She stared up at him. He looked down at her, still holding her wrist in his hand as he shook his head sadly.

"There's nothing to give back. I may look different but I'm still here," he said quietly, his voice somehow sonorous, despite the softness of his tone.

_But if you're too blind to see that_... whispered the last ghost of his humanity before it died a lamentably disgraceful death. Humans really were foolish. Without further thought or hesitation, he picked her up and took her back to the inn. The moment her feet touched ground, she skittered away from him, breathing in and out so heavily that her mouth looked like a chimney. He allowed for a few seconds of silence, just in case she got her second wind. He could use more threats and incoherent accusations in his empty life. She didn't say a word, preferring to gulp air like it was going out of style. He stepped towards her. She froze but didn't move back. He took another and another, until he was right in front of her. She backed away a bit then, but he was faster than her. Before she could try anything, he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.

Pulling back and looking deeply into her eyes, he searched them one last time for a sign of recognition. A sign of anything, but he only found fear and confusion. So, this was how it was.

"There's nothing for you here. Go home," he commanded, before turning around and walking back towards the forest.

He stopped a few paces away from her, his eyes searching the forest in front of him. It called. It had always called but he'd never fully listened because he was afraid. Ever since he was a child, he'd always felt more at home in the forest. He never knew why and there was a part of him that feared it, afraid of how strong the pull was. Now he understood. He was afraid because he denied what he was. Beyond the messy facts of him being a reincarnation, he was also youkai. His humanity -- it had never really existed. It was a disguise to hide behind until his mind was ready for the truth. His kind had hidden in the shadows for so long. No more, for him anyway.

Humans questioned why things happened to them. Youkai accepted.

He accepted it all now.

No point in trying to suss out what it all meant.

There was no point in looking back.

There was no turning back.

There was a sword and a girl and a jewel and a young woman he'd loved, and all were apart of the past. The youkai named Sesshoumaru was long dead. So was the little girl. The sword had been forgotten and lost. The jewel had disappeared and the young woman... she was as much a part of the past as the rest of them and they were all easily left behind. He, Satoshi, was here now. He was alive and though he looked like someone else, he was still himself. The circumstances that had made Sesshoumaru hadn't made him. They weren't the same, nor would they ever be. He had thought if anyone could have understood that, Kagome would have. She'd been the reflection of someone else before.

But he was wrong and she was unbearably human.

And in accepting what he really was, he knew what the last step was, the final transformation which he'd been putting off subconsciously. Closing his eyes, he willed himself to turn, to change into his true form. It was by no means very easy, nor was it hard. Letting the tight control he'd gradually gained over the last two years fade, he let go.

In a flash of light, Satoshi was gone and in his place was a gigantic white dog. It took an enormously deep breath, and without a sound it tensed before taking to the skies in a single, effortless leap.

He didn't look back at the girl he'd left behind. He didn't stay to see her eyes widen as he flew away into the night. But most importantly, he didn't see her step forward and he didn't hear the slight exhalation of breath before his name slipped from her lips in a question.

Four days passed and he hadn't gone home. He'd spent the entire time in the forest though he'd only spent a night in his true form. He didn't really do anything, per se, just wandered aimlessly which suited him fine because at the moment, he wasn't too fond of goals. Sooner or later, he supposed he'd have to figure something out; where to go or what to do, but for the moment...

While in the forest, he'd done a lot of thinking. He'd stayed in one place too long again. It wasn't to say that he didn't like it here anymore, it was just... this place was too full of memories. Too much of the past lingered and he'd had enough of the past. It was time to move on. This decided, he returned to the inn.

He would leave. Where he'd go hadn't occurred to him and it didn't much matter. Only the fact of his departure did.

It was early evening. The sun was just going down and he admired its fading beauty as its light filtered in through the shoji that led outside to the veranda. He'd opened the rain doors that enclosed the veranda for this specific reason. Normally, he'd leave them closed until it became warmer, but as this was his last day here he wanted to see the sun set one more time through his doors.

It occurred to him that he should be packing right now, but he really didn't have that much to begin with. He stood and opened the shoji, gazing outside. The snow that covered the fields just outside his room was turning a pleasant lavender color. He smiled inwardly then and turned around, greeting old Hana just as she entered his room. After two years of this, she wasn't shocked anymore. Neither was he. About a year ago, he'd stopped relying solely on sight to sense things. More often, he'd rely on his other senses, in particular his sense of smell as it was the most acute and accurate sense he had.

The old woman smiled serenely, intertwining her gnarled, old hands behind her back as she looked up at him with a sharp look in her eye. She looked over the room and seeing the inordinate amount of disarray, that glint became a bit harder.

She shook her head sadly, and sighed. "So, you're leaving us then?"

He paused for a moment and then nodded. This was as much of an answer as he felt like giving and she understood.

"Why?"

"I have my reasons."

"Ah. I see. You're no longer happy here?"

"No."

"Hmm. Have you found other opportunities elsewhere?"

"No."

"Did you find what you were looking for then?"

"I don't know..."

"Perhaps it found you..."

"Perhaps."

She took this in and was quiet for several minutes, content to watch him bustle around the room. And in watching him, she saw what it was he was trying to hide from her and from himself.

"You're running," she stated matter-of-factly.

He stiffened at her accusation, turning his best cold glare on her before going back to what he was doing. She wasn't intimidated in the least. Her laughter was quite ego bruising and he was sure the youkai he was a reincarnate of was rolling in his grave. He'd never stand for such an insult.

"It's because of that girl, I think. She came here looking for you, you know."

The old woman wasn't terribly surprised he didn't answer. She hadn't really expected him to, his kind were always closed lipped about their own affairs.

"Strange, a youkai that doesn't mind working for a human, much less sharing the same roof with one... more than one." She trailed off, rocking on her feet as she pondered her next words. "I'd have thought those businessmen would have run you off, but all it took was one human girl. Strange, indeed."

The wrinkles around her eyes lengthened as she slowly turned her gaze to him. Their eyes met. She had to give it to the boy, his face didn't reveal anything but again, that was so typical of his kind. Even if they were very young, like he was.

"You knew."

"Of course I knew. I wasn't born yesterday, you know," she replied, with a rusty kind of laugh in her voice.

"How?"

"As if was hard to guess. I'm old. Not stupid. And I haven't lost my mind... yet," she chided, with another slow shake of her head. "Your kind is rare nowadays but once upon a time not all that uncommon in these parts. I seen my fair share in my youth; never met one quite like you, though."

He neatly folded a shirt into his bag, not looking at her as he said: "Is that so."

"Ah, indeed it is," she stated with another smile. "You sure you want to leave?"

"Yes."

"So it is," she said, nodding sorrowfully and as she exited the room, she stopped at the door and looked back at him. "You're sure you're not running?"

"Yes."

"Hmm, odd. That's what it looks like to me..." she said, with a solemn nod, her eyes piercing him with the earthy stillness and strength born from a lifetime's worth of struggles. "Well, I'll miss you, Saito-kun. Feel free to visit this old woman any time you please. Oh, and you left your coat outside again. You can pick it up at the front desk."

And with that, she bowed deeply and left him to his own devices. Her words bothered him. He tried not to think too hard about what she'd said, but he had to admit, what she'd said was true. In a way, he _was _running. He shook his head, not wanting to think about it. He wasn't running. He was leaving. There was a difference.

He went to the front desk and retrieved his coat, suffering Hana's chiding one last time.

He put his coat on.

Put the bag with his few earthly possessions over that.

Hana pushed a pair of gloves and a hat at him, insisting that he ought to think of the cold. He put them on just to please her. Next to last came a pair of sunglasses. He wasn't much for hiding what he'd become, but occasionally disguising himself made travel easier. The last thing he put on were his shoes, which he had left in a cubby near the front door. After slipping them on, he calmly strode out of the front door and closed it behind him for the last time.

He barely got three feet from the door when a scent assaulted him.

Her scent.

He didn't pause and he most certainly didn't look back.

Instead, she followed and when he didn't stop, she grabbed his sleeve and tugged it until he did. Rolling his eyes behind his glasses, he turned and faced her. The foolish girl stood in front of him in nothing but a pair of slippers and a quilted outer-coat over her yukata. She'd just bathed. Her scent was fresh and her hair was wet. She really was foolish. The dinner hour was over and true evening was setting in, and it was getting colder.

"You're leaving..."

He felt no need to reply to such an obvious statement and would have turned to leave, but for her damned hand on his damned jacket. She had a real hold on it and it didn't look like she planned to let go. Sighing, he jerked his arm away from her hand and paused for a moment before slowly turning around.

"W-wait."

And so he did.

She ran around and stood in front of him, looking him up and down as if searching for something. Without out any explanation, she pulled off his gloves and then his hat and his sunglasses. She even unraveled his hair, which he'd braided and wrapped around his neck like a scarf, partly to keep it dry and partly to make him look a bit more normal... at least on the surface. She stood there and stared at him without the things he used to subtly disguise himself. Her eyes darted back and forth, taking it all in and suddenly he found himself nervous. What was she playing at?

She was biting her lip, teasing it back and forth between her teeth which meant that she was thinking. She'd always done that when she was thinking. Stepping forward, she held one of his hands in hers. Turning it over, she examined it. Touched his skin with gentle, probing fingers, traced the contours of the stripes at his wrists with a thumb. And when she was done with that, she lightly ran her fingers through his hair. Tilting her head, she watched her own fingers brush through it, rolling the strands between her fingertips inquiringly. And when she tired of doing that, she tilted her head back to look at him. She'd always been so short compared to him, now she was even shorter.

Such a tiny thing.

She reached a hand up and touched his cheek. Her fingers were cold and she could barely reach. He bent down so she could. Fingers traced the stripes on his cheeks and just barely brushed the crescent moon on his forehead. The last thing she did was brush an index finger against the shell of his ear and she did it with a delighted little smile as she teased the pointed tip.

"I've always wanted to do that," she murmured softly, as if imparting a great secret and then she looked at him, her gaze seeming to measure something before coming to a decision. "Your markings are lighter."

"What?"

"Your markings are lighter than his. Fainter. And you're not as big in your true form as he was, but still it's still impressive." She paused, and her face was grave when she next spoke. "You should have told me, Satoshi. Why... why didn't you?"

He was stunned and when he gathered his wits, he replied: "Why didn't you?"

"Why didn't I what?"

"I have his memories. I know."

Not knowing how to respond to that, she simply answered: "Oh."

"I didn't tell you for the same reason you didn't tell me."

There was a long, awkward silence where they both let that thought sink in. They hadn't trusted each other. They'd held their secrets in their heart, because they were too afraid to expose what they both felt ought to stay hidden.

Foolish really.

He smiled faintly, and rested a hand on her head. "So, now you know," he said, smile fading into nothingness as his hand slipped from her head, mussing her hair in the process. He sighed and turned in preparation of his leaving. "Goodbye, Kagome."

"Wait!!"

And again, he did.

Impulsively, she grabbed his hand and squeezed it tight.

"Don't go."

"I have to."

"No, you don't. Stay. Stay with me," she said brokenly, tears beginning to well in her eyes. "I just found you. It took me so long. And... I don't want to be left behind and I don't want to leave you behind. Just stay. Please. "

"It won't work. You know that. Someone always gets left behind."

She shook her head, tears flying off her face before turning to glass as they hit the cold air. "I don't care! I love you!"

She jumped up and wrapped her arms around his neck as best she could. And she didn't let go. In their time apart, she'd figured some things out. One of them was that when it came to love she'd always waited quietly, hoping the other person would admit things first because the pain of rejection was too acute. She'd suffered it before and this was the way she protected her heart. It was foolish and if she really wanted to be loved the way she thought she deserved then she'd have to put some kind of effort into it. She'd have to suffer the fights and the times like this, when trust was waning. But it could be rebuilt and in that two years she realized she'd thrown something away without even knowing it and maybe he'd done the same thing... and... and she just couldn't let him walk away without knowing it.

At first, he was too shocked to respond but gradually he relaxed, and his arms wrapped around her waist. He closed his eyes and held her close, reveling in her warmth and her scent for the first time since the change.

With a slight, secret smile, he nuzzled her cheek and whispered: "I love you too."

She choked out a sob of joy and wept the happiest tears she'd ever cried. When she finally calmed down, her voice was just even enough to whisper back: "I'm cold."

"Of course you are. You came out here in nothing but your yukata, silly woman."

He smoothly stepped back and took off his coat, draping it over her shoulders in a gentlemanly fashion. She clutched the coat tightly around her, looking up at him with absolute adoration. He saw then, what he'd missed before. She could see him. Really see him through all the changes, and what was more, she still loved him. She'd always loved him, always would. He scooped her up bridal style. She let out an indignant squeak.

He cut off any objections with six words: "I want to show you something."

His eyes sparkling, he launched into the air and in the blink of an eye he'd flown all the way to one of the lower peaks of Mount Iō-zan. He didn't dare brave the summit this time of year, especially with Kagome in tow. She wasn't wearing the right clothing already and it was terribly cold, but still, he wanted to show her the stars from the mountain. He tilted his head back and she mirrored his actions, letting out a pleased gasp at the sight of so many. The view was beautiful from almost anywhere on the peninsula but it was especially beautiful from the mountains.

They stood on the peak, staring at the sky which was a deep, rich blue, almost black. The stars stood out against this backdrop, twinkling merrily as if in blessing and at that very moment, the moon came out. And all the world was bathed in silver-blue light. For a moment, it almost seemed too surreal. Like a living wood block print by a master artisan, it was a stranded moment in time captured forever on a piece of parchment.

Then the wind blew and he could feel the one he love shiver under his fingertips. Drawing her closer, he rested his cheek on the top of her head, breathing in her scent. There was a profound amount of silence in his heart that mirrored the silence all around them. He looked out, taking in the landscape around him and marveling in its transient beauty, he couldn't help but notice how much it reminded him of the woman in his arms.

He was a demon and demons shouldn't love.

He knew this from his memories.

His eyes narrowed. He wouldn't be ruled by the past.

He would be free, unlike Sesshoumaru, who was bound by his position and his prejudices. Satoshi was free to love. Free to live life the way he saw fit.

But he still had doubts...

"How did you know?"

"What?"

"Besides the markings and my size. How did you know it was me?"

She laughed, and he could feel her breath as it brushed across his skin. He was staring out into the distance, looking for things he couldn't, wouldn't, be able to find unless... Gently, she placed a hand on his cheek and guided his gaze to hers.

Looking him straight in the eye, she caressed his cheeks, his lips and she smiled as she said: "He never, ever would have called me by name. Even _if_ he knew it."

She grew quiet again, allowing him to take that in. And when he did, his eyes pleaded for more, something deeper and far vaguer than such an obvious clue. She smiled again, her gaze focusing on his mouth, her thumb tracing the contour of his lip. Moving in closer, she gazed up at him with a mysterious, heavy lidded expression. He gazed back, opening and closing his eyes languidly. Something was building between them, he could feel it. Smell it. It was in the air and all around, and it was intoxicating.

Her skin was pale in the moonlight, making her appear ruthlessly fragile and mortal, yet still very beautiful. His forehead touched hers, and losing himself in her touch, he let himself, just for a moment, really feel. Her fingers grazed his cheeks, his ears. She ran them through his hair and behind his neck. Opening his eyes, he locked gazes with her and let the fire he'd long held back show through them. He let her see. Really see what lay inside. What he feared and sometimes loathed, but had all the same accepted. And though his emotions were subdued, he could feel them there and all he could feel right now was her and he wanted more but not before he heard what he needed to hear.

She knew this and with a silent exhalation, her cheek just grazing his as she whispered in his ear: "And he'd never look at me, not like that... never like that."

And then, she kissed him.

His soul was scorched to the core as the night overwhelmed him and truly... she was everything in that moment. The only thing. Her and the fire inside. It was like breathing for the first time and when they broke away, breathless, he knew that everything and nothing had changed.

She smiled up at him in the same innocent, shy way she always did after doing something like that. Such a paradox. It then came to his attention that she was shivering violently. The cold was too much for her. He hadn't noticed. He tucked her head underneath his chin, rubbing a hand up and down her back before heading back the way they came.

And when they landed back at the ryokan, he took her to her room and warmed her up the old fashioned way, with sighs and moans and trembling sensuous palpation.

Now he lay next to her, naked bodies intertwined as he held her close and listened to her breathing. His eyes were open and he stared unseeingly into space. Thought at this point was hard, because there were so many he couldn't find the energy to focus on a single one. There were questions of her past. Questions of his transformation and the youkai he was a reincarnate of. There were questions regarding the future, many, many questions of the future, what it would bring for both of them. Questions he wasn't looking forward to thinking about. Truth be told, he was afraid. He was afraid to ask those questions because he already knew in his heart what the answer would be.

Maybe, for now anyway, he should just be content and thinking that, he let those questions slip away and held his lover closer. His eyes slowly closed and he remembered what old Hana had asked him when he attempted to leave.

"_Did you find what you were looking for then?_"

Perhaps he had.

For the moment, that was the only answer he needed.

**Fin**


End file.
